Why People Do What They Do- The Psychology of Friendship

For the eighth installment in my ‘Why People Do What They Do” series, I decided to take a look at the motivations behind friendship. Friendship is the underlying theme of my upcoming novel, Conflicting Webs. Friendships are often unique, diverse, and special. Friends can start out from a variety of places, but all share an incredible bond. Sometimes that bond can span generations for a lifetimes, other times that bond is just for a short, powerful time. Either way, friendships are a vital part of life.

There are billions of people in the world, you encounter new ones every day, yet connecting with someone and attaining that closeness is a matter of connection. Friendship connections are usually made from an emotional and mental level. We tend to intuitively know who real friends are and which friendships are worth our time and energy. Friendships begin based on several factors. These factors include:

Similarity

One of those could be similarity. Have you heard the phrase, “birds of a feather flock together”? Well that tends to be true. We surround ourselves with people whose style, attitudes, personalities, likes, dislikes, and mannerisms are similar to us. Similarities help to build an instant bond.

Intrigue

Another driving force behind friendships could be intrigue. We can become friends with someone simply because we are fascinated by them. Being genuinely curious about their stories, lifestyle, and/or history, can build a bond of friendship.

History

Having gone through a similar experience or even the exact same one can really connect two people. Nobody else could quite understand the situation you went through, but they can. Having a past with someone definitely can hold a bond together.

Besides connection, having a mutual beneficial relationship is crucial. Friendships that are one-sided never work. If only one person is willing to put in time and effort, that friendship won’t last. There are multiple factors that make a good friend, here are just a few.

Positive Influence

Having someone around you to be a good influence and help support you and your goals also makes a great friend. They should inspire you to live up to your highest potential so you can be your best self.

YOUR happiness

True friends want to see you happy. The best kinds of friends are the ones with your best interest at heart, even to a fault. They may tell you something you don’t want to hear at the risk of fracturing your friendship, just because they know it is for the best. A true friend will never ask you to compromise or jeopardize any part of yourself in order to be their friend.

Loyalty

A loyal friend will have your back no matter what. They will stand up for you and with you on issues that arise. They won’t speak ill of you to others or allow others to speak bad of you. Loyalty is hard to find, but essential to any relationship.

As the years go on, people start to realize it is no longer the quantity of friends you have, but the quality. The types of friends that you can go awhile without seeing, yet when you do see each other, nothing has changed between you two. The types that you know you can always call when you are in trouble. Time and distance have no effect on the bond that you’ve built. Good friends are hard to find, but impossible to forget.

~Hugs
Darlene Quinn