๐ ๐๐ฆ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ญ | ๐จ๐๐ ๐ด๐ ๐ฏ๐๐ ๐ฐ ๐ช๐๐ ๐ฏ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ช๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐ฏ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐๐ ๐พ๐๐๐๐ ๐ป๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ทโ๏ธ
๐ฃThe explosion of a truth bomb๐ฅ I sat there with this gossipy, person bashing discussion going on for 5 min until I dropped it in there. There were five men and four women around the table discussing the latest nz meth doco. One of the men decided to drop his opinion in of how JJ Feeney criticized it and how she was a fat dyke. I was stunned and pointed out she was not a lesbian, and her life had been threatened by someone on meth so she felt strongly on the subject. Her being his version of 'fat' had nothing to do with anything (he also could have been seen as overweight himself...but I digress and did not highlight that). The ladies all supported the fact she was not a lesbian. Then they moved to 'didnt she bring home some toy boy from South America? And began ranting about that. By this stage I had had enough, I was the sober one and my tolerance had worn very thin. So in a pause I stated "Did you consider that if JJ was a man this probably wouldnt have made the news, you would not have picked on her weight, her sexuality or where she picked up her boyfriend?" Backpedaling began with much ass covering and claims that their attack on JJ was justified. The table was divided as the woman did not see any of the mean looks and sexuality based comments were neccessary. Love is love and if she was a lesbian then it doesnt make her 'less than' and what's it to you? Same as if she is fat does that also make her 'less than'? I can't ever stay silent on #crucialconversations like this. I dont care if I make people feel bad and uncomfortable for shitty comments. Half of the people in the room I didn't know well but I hope they think twice next time. Many NZ men think they are so accepting and that everyone has equal opportunity, then something like this discussion happens and I know we still have a way to go to change these underlying beliefs that people that are not like them are some how 'less than'. I see it in my work with Shesfreetobe a lot in NZ, we assume woman just don't want to work in #mining and #construction but its our underlying bias and lack of a workplaces that work for women that means a role is almost too hard to do in that environment. You are an 'only woman' often, or a 'difficult woman' for speaking up or a 'attention seeking woman' for working with all those men. Its in those uncomfortable conversations that the biggest #growth can be found. The male default needs to crumble and be replaced with a world where difference is seen, discussed and embraced. What do you think? #shesfreetobe #diversityandinclusion #nz #love #opportunity #survivetothrive
Kate Smith
2y
I think we have to speak up. Men like this assume that everyone thinks like them, if we are silent then we are complicit.
Meth is a big problem Jerks spouting that dribble does not help. Karma to you JJ Feeney
Woah, what does her sexuality and weight have to do with her experience of a dangerous drug? How presumptuous of them. Neverminded the fact that this drug has wide ranging consequences, they would instead prefer to focus on two areas that have nothing to do with illegal drugs. Shame men, you have done your sex such a disservice right about now.
Good on you for standing up for her!! People say one thing then do another and it pisses me off because they do it so unconsciously that they don't even realise and when U point it out they go into denial. Don't stop being your awesome set Kristy xx
I always like to think I judge a person by their actions and deeds and gender should never come into it. A Good persons is a good person, a kind person is a Kind person.
Thanks for writing this. It does amuse me. Because what if I was a lesbian? Is that a problem? According to the homophobic people at your table, it is. And I get that I'm slightly overweight (and it looks worse on video) but does that make me unworthy of having my own experiences and opinions? And for the record, my boyfriend is from Algeria (North Africa) and if anyone has a problem with the age gap, then they are also ageist. Because he doesn't have a problem with it, and I certainly don't. Obviously, the people at your table have never been desirable to the younger sex, or they would understand that it's actually about a connection, rather than age. Thank you for sticking up for me Kristy. I'm concerned that this kind of judgemental talk goes on these days, but I do not worry what people have to say about me, because I don't care. I don't need everyone to like me. There are people that I don't like either, and they can't change my opinion about that, just like I can't change their opinions about me. But it's great to call out people for putting people down for what's on the outside. However, the way things are going, I doubt much will change unfortunately. Thank you. Jay-Jay Feeney - the fat, lesbian, cougar.
Good on you for speaking up. Iโve started to do this too although I am by nature a people pleaser and it gives me a very anxious tummy. It would be easy for me to defend someone like Jay-Jay Feeney because I know her, her heart, her awesomeness and I know this speaking out is an act of bravery and passion. But I know if it was someone I didnโt know at all Iโd have been tempted to just stay quiet and keep the peace. Iโm not sure itโs just pulling someone down because sheโs a woman, although I do feel it weird we need to add body size, sexual preference, appearance and personal life to pull someone down ( for the record I am loving seeing this side of Jay Jay and her personal passion to make a change. )
Thanks for sharing Kristy. It reminded me of a podcast I came across the other day on how men ( and women) can fight misogyny (I'll link it below). One of the most important message in the podcast was that 'behavior ignored is behavior endorsed'. There are a lot of people, men and women, who care about equality and justice but too often we don't know how to respond and think as long as 'I'm not one of them' then 'it's not our issue'. Kudos to you for distinguish seriously and publicly around this matter! https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/audio/2021/mar/31/men-heres-what-you-can-do-to-help-fight-misogyny