Have a direct report that you just can’t figure out or seem to please? In my coaching practice, I have interviewed hundreds of co-workers, supervisors, and direct reports to gather 360 degree feedback. Before I start the interviews, I ask my coaching client how they imagine people will answer my questions. I ask specifically how their direct reports will describe them as a manager. Almost everyone says that team members will describe them as supportive, inclusive, and focused on their success – a manager who really cares. Then they invariably say, “except for [FILL IN NAME]” – a name I’ve heard during sessions. The person isn’t a performance problem, per se. Just … you know … so difficult. I press on. “How would those individuals describe you?” This person does not see my coaching client as the supportive, caring manager they are. They have problems with a lack of clarity or think goals are unreasonable or always seem to be focused on something the supervisor considers unimportant or they could perform better than they are – always pushing back. What I have learned is that “except for [FILL IN NAME]” is the ultimate invitation to grow as a manager. That which annoys us is often pointing to a tension to lean into, not away from. Let’s face it. It’s easier to manage people who work the way you work, approve of your management style, and roll with the punches. The tools you use are already the right ones for them. Rather than make yourself feel a little better by deciding it’s really about this “difficult” person and their issues (the easiest and least helpful approach), think about the following: ➡ Before you assume your direct report is wrong, assume they are right. Assume you need new tools to build this working relationship into a productive one for both of you. ➡ Ask yourself if you avoid giving this person important feedback because you know it will be a difficult conversation. Most situations will require a little bit of change from both of you. That happens through clear, direct, and kind feedback. Remember that you will never truly know what it’s like to report to you. Your good intentions do not translate the same for every person. The best managers adapt their style to make their direct report a success. #management #feedback #coaching
