Braden Eads’ Post

Hello my name is Braden, and I’m a nice guy in recovery. Let me explain. I have always tried to be a nice guy throughout my life with the desire to create deep relationships and a rich life… or so I thought until recently. I’ve found some of my innate actions and desires are counter intuitive and are actually doing the opposite. Does this sound like you? 1. Seeking Approval: Nice guys often crave external validation and approval from others. They go out of their way to please people, sometimes at the expense of their own needs and desires. 2. Avoiding Conflict: Nice guys tend to avoid conflict and go to great lengths to keep the peace, often suppressing their own feelings or opinions in the process. 3. Fearing Rejection: A deep fear of rejection often drives the behavior of a nice guy. They might avoid taking risks or putting themselves in situations where they could be rejected. 4. Difficulties in Expressing Needs: Nice guys often have trouble expressing their own needs and desires, either because they want to avoid burdening others or fear being seen as selfish. 5. Seeking the "Right" Way: Often nice guys believe there is a "right" way to do things and strive to do everything correctly to avoid criticism. 6. Desiring to be Different from Men They Dislike: Many nice guys want to distinguish themselves from men they perceive as "not nice," often those who are more openly assertive or aggressive. 7. Dishonesty: Despite their desire to be good, nice guys can often be dishonest, hiding their mistakes or feelings to maintain their nice guy image. 8. Creating Covert Contracts: Nice guys often create unspoken agreements with others, believing that if they do good things, they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a problem-free life. I’m actively working on not being a nice guy anymore. If some of this resonates with you, check out “No More Mr. Nice Guy.” It’s been a huge wake up call for me.

The Turkey(s) kept falling down… he made sure they stayed up. I love this exercise we do as a family for Thanksgiving. Focusing on gratitude. It’s easy for me to get lost in what isn’t going well, or anticipating a potentially difficult part of the day. My human self wants to survive, not necessarily be grateful. But it’s good for us. A study, titled “Counting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-Being in Daily Life”, found that participants who kept weekly gratitude journals showed significantly increased well-being compared to those who focused on hassles or neutral events. In a study called “Examining the Pathways between Gratitude and Self-Rated Physical Health across Adulthood”, they found that gratitude positively correlated with physical health, partly because grateful people are more likely to take care of their health. “Beyond Reciprocity: Gratitude and Relationships in Everyday Life”, demonstrated that gratitude expressions play a key role in relationship formation and maintenance, suggesting that gratitude is a relationship-strengthening emotion. In “The Effects of Gratitude Expression on Neural Activity”, this neuroimaging study indicated that gratitude letter writing produces greater neural sensitivity in the medial prefrontal cortex, a brain area associated with learning and decision making. There truly is so much to be grateful for. Bonus points that it’s good for us.

As a reminder, The most extensive study on the pursuit of happiness has identified these key elements as the pillars of true happiness: 1) Physical Health: Regular exercise, eating well, avoiding alcohol or drug abuse, not smoking, and getting preventive healthcare contribute significantly to happiness and longevity. 2) Relationships: The quality of close relationships, not the quantity, significantly impacts happiness and health. Being in secure relationships, especially in older age, helps keep memories sharper for longer, while loneliness can lead to cognitive decline and increased risk of diseases. 3) Intimate Partnership: Being in a marriage or a long-term intimate partnership can contribute to better health and longer life expectancy. The support and care in such relationships play a critical role in overall wellbeing.

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My son PR’d this weekend on his longest and most challenging ride yet. The entire ride you could hear him under his breath repeating the phrase, “I got this…” I teared up being so greatful for his attitude and inspiration. I want to be more like him in my self talk I got this. You got this. We got this today.

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