Rory Blyth

Current

• Video Jockey at Microsoft

Past

• Developer Community Champion at Microsoft
• Jail at Multnomah County Penal System

Education

• Wilson High School

Recommended

3 people have recommended Rory

Connections

69 connections

Industry

Writing and Editing

Websites

• My Blog
• My Company

Rory Blyth’s Summary

My boss thinks I'm nice.

I have an above average knowledge of fine fragrances, both for males and females.

I regularly drive at speeds in excess of 110 MPH, and I've only had one speeding ticket in my entire life, and I only had to pay a third of it, and that was after fighting it out with the judge over mail. All I had to to was convince her of how awesome I was, which only took, like, ONE SENTENCE.

I am not afraid of you. At all.

I'm very aggressive, and I'll run right over you to get the job I want. You know those videos where "monster" trucks drive over the top of a line of cars and demolish all of them? I'm the truck, and you're the cars. I'm a leech on every organization that will accept me.

I'm also a communist.

And, if you offer me food with either pig or mushrooms in it, I'll spit in your face and then burn your house down.

That's why I'm perfect for this opportunity.

Also, if you're here because you're thinking of hiring me, then please keep the following two (2) pieces of information in mind:

1. I AM AWESOME.

2. If you want me to work for you, then you have to give me insane quantities of money ("insane" can be described as "at least $1,000,000.00 per DAY").

If you think that's too much, then consider bringing me on as a consultant for just a few minutes.

The average work day is about eight hours, so it'd only cost you $125,000.00 per HOUR to bring me on as a consultant.

If THAT'S too steep, then consider my "By the Minute Discounted Rate" of $2,084.00 per MINUTE.

You can certainly afford the discounted rate.

So what are you waiting for?

(Also, I can do more work with my pinky in thirty seconds than your entire outsourced, offshored workforce could do in ONE HUNDRED YEARS, so I'm a BARGAIN. I AM SOOOOOO AWESOME.)

That is all.

Rory Blyth’s Specialties:

Basically, I'm just really smart, and people want me to do things. I'm also kind of good looking, so I've done some modeling. But, mainly, people want my think-meat to make success happen for them, and I'm happy to trade a few of my idle thoughts for your money. So, my expertise is getting paid.

Rory Blyth’s Experience

• Video Jockey

  Microsoft

  (Public Company; 10,001 or more employees; MSFT; Computer Software industry)

  October 2006 — Present (2 years 10 months)

  I carry a camera. I interview people. I give them questions. They give me answers. Then the videos are posted to a site called "Channel 9" where bajillions of people watch, critique, and anonymously slam my work.
  
  I'm extremely good at what I do. (Note that the previous statement could be applied to anything I undertake.)
  
  Basically, I just have to be amazing and awesome, and that's all this position requires of me. Fortunately, I know how to be amazing and awesome, since I've only been doing it MY ENTIRE LIFE.
  
  BAM.

• Developer Community Champion

  Microsoft

  (Public Company; 10,001 or more employees; MSFT; Computer Software industry)

  July 2004 — October 2006 (2 years 4 months)

• Jail

  Multnomah County Penal System

  (Government Agency; 10,001 or more employees; Government Relations industry)

  March 1996 — June 1999 (3 years 4 months)

  I only had to go into solitary confinement, like, fourteen times, but that's what you get for having follow-through.
  
  I mean, you make a shiv, you use a shiv. Am I right? Or am I right?

Rory Blyth’s Education

• Wilson High School

  No degree , Beer and surfing , 1992 — 1994

  When I dropped out, it was with a .86 GPA, which in itself is a sort of accomplishment. I mean, a 0.0 implies that I didn't show up.
  
  So don't get me wrong. I *tried*. I was just too busy going to the beach during the day and playing with hex editors at night to care about what the moral message behind "To Kill a Mockingbird" was. All I remember is that Boo Radley was effin' weird, man. Like, totally messed up. But then not. You know - like people had their prejudices.
  
  OK. So I guess I learned something.
  
  BUT THAT'S ALL. I DIDN'T LEARN *ANYTHING* ELSE.
  
  .

  Activities and Societies:

  I mainly got into fights and then stopped showing up because I thought that it was more important to drink beer and go surfing than it was to interact with jocks on a social level. In spite of my lack of education, I'm still probably smarter than you are, and I can quote poetry in four languages (that I actually understand), and I've lived in three countries, started a couple companies, and generally been successful at everything. So screw this education crap. My speciality is smartness.

Additional Information

Rory Blyth’s Websites:

• My Blog
• My Company

Rory Blyth’s Interests:

I mainly just want to do a good job and be better at everything than everybody else while avoiding investigations about my accounting practices by various federal agencies.

Rory Blyth’s Groups:

Microsoft, County of Neopoleon

Rory Blyth’s Honors:

I almost won a coloring contest once, but my sister snagged first place, and then I actually lost against the other 300 participants. I colored my bunny brown, and not just the bunny, but the whole page. I was too post-modern for that stupid contest.

Rory Blyth’s Contact Settings

Interested In:

• career opportunities
• consulting offers
• new ventures
• job inquiries
• expertise requests
• business deals
• reference requests
• getting back in touch