It has been my experience that people who say they were not influenced by their families are not being honest with themselves. Family has an influence, even if it comes in the form of determination not to follow in certain people's footsteps.

In my case, the expectation was to complete high school and obtain a bachelor's degree. I exceeded that in obtaining a master's degree. I have largely ignored my degrees, partially using the first, in my pursuits as a writer and creativity expert.

Links:

• http://www.jenifernipps.com

posted February 22, 2008

I find that I have adopted the parts of my parents that seemed to work well for them (rather than the lessons they wanted to teach me!) We've had several laughs about it since. I suspect that my brothers have picked up many of the same traits. We are all people who will lead, the minute we perceive a void of leadership. We also have a solid strength of our convictions, which comes from the idea that if you have an opinion, then HAVE it, don't just coddle it. I have been told that I can be intimidating (which usually means that the person is ALWAYS intimidating) and I, to this day, still can't easily reconcile that with my self-image.

Life is a journey - and we keep picking up more luggage on the way! :D

posted February 22, 2008

I would recommend you to read "The Blank Slate" by Stephen Pinker.

It contains a lot of research, especially the many different twin-studies that gives a fairly clear answer to you question.

Links:

• http://pinker.wjh.harvard.edu/books/tbs/index.html

posted February 23, 2008

Families are "environments". If you take a cucumber and put it in a jar of pickling juice which wins? Does the cucumber become a pickle or does the pickling juice become cucumber juice? In life, your family has some effect because you are in it everyday - until you leave home and expose your self to other environments.

posted February 23, 2008

I come from a family in which my father came from Germany shortly after WWII. My mom grew up in an orphanage. We didn't have much when we were little, but my dad is very smart and got his MS in Physics and spent years in satellite antenna design.

I grew up with the concept of hard work. I also rebelled a bit because even with my strong mathematical skills, I decided I wasn't going to be an engineer even though my father would have liked that.

I think I have many strong characteristics of my parents. My mom is a very caring person who went back to school and got her B.A. at about age 45. She always worked in the schools. I share a lot of that attitude, but I also have a lot of the logical side of my dad. I think this makes me a bit more well-rounded than either one of them. In fact, an employee told me the other day how much she respects that fact that I really care about those who work for me and around me.

I think that my parent's aversion to risk and lack of knowledge about business affected my lack of interest in entrepreneurship in my early twenties, but now I've gotten over that. Interestingly enough, I've also seen my dad express more risk taking, although now that he's in his 70s I worry a little bit about that.

My siblings are interesting because my brother (the middle child) have never fully dealt with some of the dad issues. He has settled into a life in a job that he likes and just kind of cruises.

My sister (the youngest) has become a real go getter and has made a mark in her school district. Currently a middle school principal, she is amazingly talented and creative. Her school is extremely entrepreneurial and she doesn't put up with lazy or poor teaching. I'm sure she will continue to succeed in her district or else end up as a highly paid educational consultant within the next decade.

Not sure what all of that says other than my parents went from pretty meager financial standing to the point where they were able to retire early and now enjoy projects around the house, walking, and volunteering at the local soup kitchen. I think I learned a lot from them.

posted February 23, 2008

Just look at my profile. If that doesn't say "misspent youth" I don't know what does!

posted February 23, 2008

Family and personal attributes combine to frame who we are. Our values and beliefs can often be traced back to our family and this then combined with our innate attributes frame how we make decisions and what choices we make in life.

But it does not stop there. My adult choices are often framed by my current family experience. My wife, my children, and the choices we all make. Often these decisions are not at all what I might make on my own if I were alone or did not care about the input of others or the impact of my actions on others. Another factor which is part of innate attributes would be aptitude. I am learning disabled and simply could not excel in areas that my father, a scientist, excelled in. My brother chose to become a diplomat rather than an engineer even though my father was a geophysicist, electrical engineer, and mathematician. I chose to pursue animal science and pre vet because of my love of animals but struggled with the memorization and math so also finished a business degree where most of my career has fallen.

As I have written in another post, innate style attributes also have a profound impact on who we are and the choices we make. From an MBTI perspective I am an INFP. In business I am not at all common and do not have the drive to forge out on my own that other styles might have. I have tried it but simply do not like to do so solo. And certainly not to be ignored would be the adversities we have faced and the impact on our lives, the cultures we have lived in, and the social background that we were raised in. The generation that one comes from also has an impact. My brother and sister took completely different routes in life but they are much older and from a completely different generation. My brother still frames all of his impressions about me and the paths that I have taken based on his life experiences. At least that is how it feels. I would imagine that the Millennials will frame their choices far differently than I have done as a boomer.

With my family having chosen a single income route for the last 15 years and with my learning disability, many of our choices have not been based on what I would love to be doing. Even my masters in adult education has not absolutely led to my passion. So in summary, I would say that the choices we make are based on a complex mix of family, generation, innate attributes, cultural frameworks, a culmination of the choices we have made, and our willingness to sacrifice to get to where we might want to go.

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posted February 23, 2008

A good question we should think more often, we have some influence how our own kids and other kids in "our family" (see later) grow up. Personally I was lucky having large families on both sides who welcomed kids even for longer times. As someones have already said, I may not match my own father (91+) still but I'm trying. One what I did learn where ever I did live was tolerance to other people and ideas. Each branch of family had their own ideas but were tolerant to others (well, almost all but you learn something even then.) Another is that your family is not just the blood relatives - I love how we now have an extended family. The friends of our own kids really think that they are part of our family, they sometimes remember our celebration days even better than our own kids. Yes - families have a huge affect how you grow up, who you will be, how you deal with other people and sometimes even to your selection what you will do when going to todays business world. I'm one of those who started a "new" school system for "our" kids just because the old did look too cold, too impersonal, too much like forgetting the human side growing up, etc. It has been successful for most (actually, no negative complains yet except from politicians but nothing based on personal experiences), it really depends, we all are different but even the kids who left it on their own decision(!) have told me that it changed the thinking of their parents. And really - it was, is a big "family". Maybe the only complain I have is that I did learn too much, too early. The society (school systems, business) even today is not ready for that and it may be a small challenge for you.There are things you are supposed not to know because it rocks the "nice", static status of current thinking, just remember times when slavery, women staying in kitchen, women having no credit cards, voting rights, etc to todays ever changing challenges to privacy, gay rights, gun control, stem cell research. etc - this is where the "family" can have a huge affect (influence).

posted February 23, 2008

Lionel-

Loaded question! I like it. In my family I have to say that my family has had a great deal of effect on me. They have affected the way I think and act, but I am the youngest so I have had 3 previous examples of what not to do or what to do. Because of my family I am passionate about solving family problems and improving communication between family members. Because of my family, I am painfully aware of my bad points but gleefully aware of my good points. Because of the love and sometimes lack there off, I am the man that I am today. I love my family, and we are, "A person looking for something but not knowing what, a successful mom/hairdresser, a dentist and, me a trainer, teacher and human developer. We are also successful parents, spouses and in some cases children to our wonderful Mom and deceased Dad.

I hope this makes sense.

Evan Glassett

posted February 23, 2008

Family plays important role in early part of life, it helps one to get support both mental and emotional, till you grow to age of taking your own way of thinking and acting.

It was your choice to select the clan you are born in, that means there is some special thing with that family that you want to learn over in your journey towards salvation.

Family gives us initial break to understand relations and responsibilities, once you accept them and start responding them your own being start evolving from it and you become what you are today

posted February 27, 2008

Everyone is shaped by the family they were raised in.

Either you accepted their influence and were directly shaped by it, or you disagreed with their values and reacted to it. Either way it influenced you.

posted February 28, 2008