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Most common Business Lies???
When you call a business and get voice mail, why does it always say, "please listen carefully as our menu options have changed"?
I know most menu options have never changed, why do they feel compelled to say that? Why does the on hold message tell me "we really value your business"? If they did, they would not leave me on hold with crappy music.
I'm trying to compile a list of these little "business lies", can you help...?
Answers (22)
Bryan C W
Sales Manager - North America at AZZ | Blenkhorn & Sawle Ltd
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We're the best.
The check is in the mail.
From Banks: We value your business (means they want to use your money at your expense).
You need to act now for this deal.
From Voice Mail: I'll call you back as soon as possible - NOT!
I could go on but we all know far to many of these...
I live in Spain and here the most common one is
"of course it will be ready tomorrow" you can be sure when you hear that that you will spend the next 2 weeks checking when it is ready.
I think this is a worldwide one - you call someone in an office, already knowing their name, the secretary says '"one moment and i will connect you" about a minute later they come back on and say " I am sorry, joe blog is in a meeting, can he call you back later?"
You know that he has just told his secretary to just get rid of you.
I don't think there is an actual set business lie for this but the lack of responsibility shown by most people is incredible, the whole "that is not in my job description" story is really annoying, it seems you have to include in a job description to communicate with clients and actually do their job.
This is turning into a rant!!!
Sorry
Emma
Links:
Gary C
Philosopher
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Our employees are our most important asset
Aric R
Small business growth consultant and entrepreneur with multi-unit operations and marketing background
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Let me think about it, I'll get back to you.....
Clarification added 2 months ago:
tomorrow....
Ron J
Strategic Visionary
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Hi Todd:
"It's IBM (or Vista , etc.) compatible"
"Customers are our Number 1 priority"
"The shipment is stuck in customs"
"This stock has been recommended by a leading stock analyst"
Best regards,
Ron Jamieson
Plasmatreat.com
Spencer P
Entrepreneur, Business Consultant (spencer@venturelinx.com)
Best Answers in: Starting Up (1), Web Development (1)
The "I am a victim of circumstance" high-pressure lies, such as:
- Last ditch sales efforts via "Going Out of Business" sales (and then you see the same sign on their door two months later).
- I'll give you a good deal because it's the end of the month, I have to make quota and my job's on the line.
- Act now because when these last units sell, there's no more (ya, right!)
All the Best!
Spencer
Lisa B
Public Speaking and Presentation Skills Coach
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Every business promotes their "excellent customer service."
As Dr. Evil says: "Rrriiiiiiiiiiight."
Olga K
Research Professional, Translator, Citizen of the World
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customer service is available...
Mark R
Consultant, Six Sigma and Lean Practitioner and Trainer. (Motorola approved six sigma trainer)
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How about...
"Your call is important to us"
Anyone that uses that doesn't give a fig. (IMHO)
Charles C
General Manager/Managing Director
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"Let's do lunch."
======
By the way, Susan Stamberg did an interview with singer Lorraine Feather this morning on the NPR Weekend Edition - Saturday show. One of the cuts on Lorraine Feather's new CD is about those automated customer service voices. Other songs on the CD include "Where Are My Keys?" and "Waiting Tables".
Links:
Devesh D
Let's grow together...
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1. The check is in the mail...
2. We see a growth of (imaginary statistics) % in next quarter
3. Nobody offers what we do
4. I'll take care of it ASAP// Don't worry, this is our first priority
We are the #1 in......
We have been around since.....
24/7 customer service ( if you don't mind holding for an hour)
Stay on the line we look forward to (stealing your money) serving you...
There are NO contracts.....
This is our Cost price....
Sure...it usually follows another lie like this "Oh, he's in a meeting, can I connect you to his voicemail?" Sure...click.
FREE Checking!
I'll be there at ___o'clock.
The artwork will be there this afternoon/first thing tomorrow/etc.
Number of customers
Postal services, when your parcel is being hold by customs and when you call them:
"Currently all operators are busy, please, wait" - you can wait for several days.
"We need a quote ASAP"...So you get it to them....
And then you wait.....wait.....&.... wait......If you needed it right away, why does it take you weeks to make a #%*^ decision!!!!!!!!!!
Garrett H
Capital Markets (Analyst)
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Not really a business lie, but still worth listing:
"I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help."
"Good morning Mr./Mrs. ___________, this is Suzy Q. from Such and Such Company. We got your number from the information request you sent in and would like to email you that information!"
Yeah, I never requested info, and I know you only want my email address so you can send me your sales brochure. Liars.
"I will get back with you tomorrow."
"The estimate is good."
"Trust me." (from someone continually proven not to be trusted)
"We were looking out for your best interests." (upon being fired)
"Are you sure that you didn't get my email? It must of went in your spam folder"
Brett F
AVP, Senior Process Consultant and Business Analyst at JPMorgan Chase & Co.
"We're exploring all options"...aka - We appreciate your suggestion, but don't expect us to seriously consider it.
Ravi K
Sales and Marketing professional
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Yes we can help you ! You are extremely important to us !
What ***** !!!
All it means is why the *&^% you dont die dirty ol customer !
But on the reverse I have seen companies following and going the extra mile for ensuring what they say they deliever...Total USP oriented !!!
Best
Ravi