Sanjeev:
I am sorry Gossip can never be a tool to build it is only a tool of destruction
Imgaine if you were the subject of a gossip do you really feel it is OK for someone to use it so they can build themselves ?
Gossip can destroy countries/ governments and organizations, gossip is the base of rumors, in wars they use rumors to destroy the morale of the people that are fighting they call it the psychological war and in war no one wins
Gossip shoul dbe stopped and nipped at the butt, if someone can't address an issue in front of a person but choose to talk about it when they are not there, this is gossip
I rather face people than stab them in the back, it is sad that gossip is a way of living in certain cultures even the one I originate from. I have seen it even getting people killed because gossips blew up to rumors that destroyed other people credibility and honor
If it is a way to develop a unique ability to talk I rather deal with mutes
Sharing informations doesn't mean gossip
I will always stop gossiping specially if I am managing people by letting them face each other so they can learn that everything will be in the open and there is no room for gossiping

posted September 8, 2009

Hi Sanjeev,

I read that article too and it had me thinking about my habbit of gossiping. Here is what I thought.
- My gossip is always about the people I am gossiping with. How was your weekend, how did that interview went, what are your plans etc.
- I try not to gossip about a third person (ie the person not paticipating in my seesion). I believe this type of gossiping leads to negative effects.
- Gossip about stuff I am sure of. I am not going to pass any rumors nor add to them.

Lastly, Sanjeev, I believe anything in excess causes problems. We need to know where to draw our lines. Apart from that, I look forward to my little chit chat sessions, they act as a great stress buster, and gives me the necessary distraction to re engage with my target with fresh vigor.

hope that helps!!!

Richa

posted September 9, 2009

In the work setting, gossip often develops due to a lack of information coming from the management of the organization. In the absence of real information, people will create theories to explain certain situations, particularly situations with which they are uncomfortable.

It is often impossible to provide people with all the information they are seeking. Sometimes the information is personal and must be protected by law. At other times, the information relates to some trade secret or business strategy that senior management does not want to divulge outside of the "inner circle." However, even in situations where management cannot provide the real scoop, management should provide information that will discourage idle speculation about events that draw the interest of employees. For example, the termination of an employee is usually a subject of gossip. A good HR department will not allow the reasons for someone's termination to become public knowledge, but the management of the company can tell employees that Mr./Ms. X is no longer with the company and the reasons for her departure are confidential and should not be the subject of speculation.

It is surprising how often employees will rise to the occasion when management raises the bar of its expectations. When treated like adults and given as much information as can be divulged and informing them why more information will not be forthcoming, most people will be satisfied and go on about their routine.

posted September 9, 2009

I define gossip as a conversation about a person or group (department) that is negative in nature and is communicated solely to inflict damage on that person's reputation or credibility. (my definition)

Talking about someone's great effort on a project isn't gossip. Likewise two managers discussing an employees strengths and weaknesses for the purpose of accurately placing them on a project team is not gossip.

A good measure of gossip is this: Would you be saying this about the person if there was a chance that they could hear you saying it? If the answer is no, it is probably gossip.

I remember in my college days talking to my sister over the phone in my dorm room about a guy that I was thinking about sharing an apartment with the next year. I was describing his personality, his background, etc. When I hung up the phone, I turned around and he was in my room, sitting on the couch looking at one of my roommate's Sports Illustrated magazines. Just sitting there reading it.

I panicked and quickly reviewed what I had said about him and if I had said anything disparaging. Then I noticed how aweful it was of me that I had to wonder if I said anything that might upset him or risk our friendship.

I vowed to myself that I wouldn't say anything about anyone unless I would say it to them in their presence. I'm not perfect and that doesn't mean I haven't said something negative about someone - but I did it knowing that I would say it in their presence.

It is a good rule to live by and others will recognize that you are someone that will not talk badly about them when they are not around as well.

posted September 15, 2009

I've discussed this with my husband and sons. They think all talking about other people is gossip. I believe that sharing stories about what happened during your day, including what other people did and said, is part of normal human interaction. Gossip, to me, has to have a degree of malaciousness. Sharing that a friend's daughter is pregnant is just that, sharing information, so that you can congratulate her, or buy a baby present, or lend her a book that you found helpful. Making a judgemental or derogatory comment about the pregnancy is gossip. I've been caught in awkward situations where I didn't know someone had died, gotten married, lost their job, etc., when my husband or sons knew but they didn't share the information with me.

posted September 23, 2009

Hi Sanjeev,

We humans have a lot of traits that seem largely dysfunctional to us, but we filter our judgments through a socially constructed reality-lens that did not exist for many, many thousands of years during which we only managed to explore, adapt to, and populate the entire face of the earth! I'm trying to establish that we were quite "productive" as human societies (and only in the form of societies, naturally) for, whatever, let's say 40,000 years in our current "edition" (probably much longer), but it wasn't until maybe 10,000 years that we found ways to build cooperative societies on a macro scale. Until then, human societies were decidedly on the small side, a few hundred max. These societies managed to cooperate (i.e., engage in regular exchange and, therefore, division of labor), even without state-sanctioned rules (laws backed up by institutionalized force). But, though they were small, they still needed rules to govern exchange and maybe other behaviors; how were such rules enforced without governments? Gossip, I suppose, was one way to sanction those who didn't abide by the customary rules governing group-critical interactions. It's a way for a fairly large number of people to act against one or a few, non-violently. (Effective collective violence generally requires a substantial degree of coordination and cooperation; it's not just "there to use" in pre-governmental times.) --But it's not necessarily convincing of me to tell just-so stories about early man. The more general point, though, is that a trait like gossiping may well have served a critical function for human societies over thousands of years, but modern societies rely upon impersonal systems of social control, well suited to massive numbers--and often somewhat incompatible with traits that served well our earlier forms of society (NOT earlier forms of pre-humans). A similar example might be ethnic hatred and other expressions of "us - not-us" or "us - them." In modern times, such sentiments are typically disparaged, but my guess is that the same tendency to ground personal identity in a specific group was functional for group and individual survival in prehistoric days, no?

posted October 3, 2009

There is an age old tactic smart managers use to short circuit harmful gossiping, simply divid the work accordingly. Clearly, those who gossip only do so because they are in dire need of something more productive to do and lack the ability to find it. We must assist them to the best of our ability.

Unfortunately, the TV sets a poor example with several Hollywood gossip shows weekly. But then, as usual they are only out to attract eyeballs for advertisers. It is high time we all give ourselves a long look in the mirror and ask: "How can I live my life better?", "How can I make more of a contribution to my fellow man?, and "What would Jesus do?"

"Think good thoughts, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become character and character becomes destiny."

posted September 8, 2009

Hi, Sanjeev,
The difference between interaction and gossip goes as follows: interaction is when you talk to a friend about what is happening in your own life, gossip is when that friend tells everybody else in the office what happened in your life and, most of the time, your friend adds his/her own take on it.
I agree with Sahar that gossip is a destructive behavior. It creates trust issues. You will no longer share information with that friend I just mentioned. You will get upset that now everyone knows your private business and you may even decide not to be friends with that person anymore. It may create an unconfortable work environment and may represent an added stressor in your life.
There are no character, integrity or trust building elements that come from gossiping. Therefore, gossip is detrimental to a work environment that strives for good character, integrity and trust among those who work there.
Based on this, I see no advantages in gossiping and do not spend time getting myself involved in this type of behavior.
Take care, Ruth

posted September 8, 2009

Gossiping without any factual basis create a case for slander/libel. In the US law, the statute for slander runs 1 year from the discovery. In many other countries, slander / libel is also a part of penal action.

So, it is better to think N [N should be large!!] times before letting the mouth/tongue engage in clever manuevers.

Having said that people often do it, and do it knowingly to benefit his/her personal agenda + please the dirtiness of their personal nature.

Though the analogy is not even close, think of gossiping somewhat like Jaywalking, people do it everyday until that particular day when the 18-wheeler is coming :-) The 18-wheeler, in the slander case, would be a legally competent folly. Have fun.

posted September 8, 2009

Sanjeev....I have been in corporations where Gossip is the daily bread or the life of the party! I see it as being the manifestation of some deeper underlying issues: un-easiness, un-stability, un-certainty and above all, poor management. A strong leadership creates a healthy environment and should nip gossip in the bud whenever is starts......if not it festers and becomes toxic. The atmosphere becomes poisoned and this is when your employees start looking elsewhere or want to move to another Department...Gossip adds no value to a project, no value to one's self-worth, and is definitely not rewarding.

posted September 8, 2009

Gossip is stupid and nonsense. Can not be encourage or promoted. Morally wrong!!!!

posted September 8, 2009

Gossip is an act of recreation ...refreshment. We gossip with our friends on lite topics .... just to feel free.

discussion means to talk about which leads to a decission . Gossip ususallly generates view on lite topics. Gossips r done with more closer friends. Like you discuss with your Boss but neveer gossip with your Boss ..!!


Ya I do Gossip .....
Good Part : We share our views.
Bad Part : The people who r the subject of the Gossip if come to know that they r the matter of gossip may develop a bitter feeling !! :)

posted September 9, 2009

1) Gossip is loose talk...generally based on rumours....there is more lies than truth in it...Discussion is generally focused to get some desired results which includes some Interaction....Often Interactions lead to Discussions...

2) When discussion/interaction has addons(masala/spice) it leads to gossip....coz it is more like backbiting.....Moreover...many ears want to hear more and many mouths have a spicy palate....

3) No....
Advantage : None
Disadvantage : Many including ruining relationships....

posted September 9, 2009

I think that third party talk, aka gossip, is nearly always inappropriate. It spreads information that may not even be true, doesn't allow for all the information to be shared, creates a negative image in the mind of the listener, and more... Gratefully, in my world, I don't hear this kind of conversation.

And no I don't live in the real world! Thankfully.

posted September 10, 2009

Gossip presupposes different classifications of data. Knowing how you classify data and being able to determine the difference in the quality of the information you synthesize is critical if you intend on being an effective and consistent team leader. To knowingly gossip to to knowingly dishonor the subject of the communication at hand. It is also possible to pass on a communication that you think is of noble motivation and realize later that you perpetuated a lie - in those moments you can determine what steps you can take to remedy your decision.

All of this presupposes a willingness and desire to lead a certain kind of accountable life, which takes a certain level of commitment to reality.

posted September 13, 2009

For me, "gossiping" has a negative connotation, not to be compared with "communicating", or "socialising".

My idea of gossiping is little tidbits, true or not, which are shared among people with a prediliction to spread rumors, maybe's, or just plain dirt about people.
Usually these people are not communicators in any sense of the word, in that the words out of their mouths do not inspire anyone, share ideas for development of self or others,, and actually are destructive, and usually denote a lack of confidence, and social skills, thereby seeking fellow approval through gossip.

posted September 14, 2009

Gossip? I see it as talking about people. I see no harm, as long as it isn't overly time-consuming, untrue, or malicious. In fact, I think it's fun. The one downside is that if you play the game, they'll play it on you, too.

Sometimes, it can be interesting. Sometimes, it hurts. It's a part of life.

posted September 14, 2009

Is it "gossiping" when you are speaking of good news? Why do we associate gossiping with negative stuff?

posted September 20, 2009

Hi Sanjeev,
Although I find this article you provided to be controversary, to answer your questions in order received as follows:
1) Gossip to me is nothing of grander scale than a light, familiar talk, or writing.
2) Respectfully, I see a manipulation with your question, allowing the audience to be swayed to "gossip" with an alternate meaning as to "one that tattles, or spreads rumors." I see this alternate meaning to be negative. There is a HUGE seperatation between your vision of gossip and mine.
3). Yes, I gossip by my defination, to say "hello" "how are you?" etc., this is my interpretation of "gossip." The advantage to my view of "gossip" is by definition -- its light, its casual, by no means negative or perceived to be negative.

posted September 20, 2009

Gossiping is typically associated with untruths or truths that are shared in confidence with lips sealed.

It would behoove all of us to know and respect the difference. We all need to get things off our chests periodically so we do share confidentially periodically with people we trust. It's just unfortunate when that trust is broken.

posted September 20, 2009

Usually when one gossips, they say something negative about the person they are speaking about...

posted September 20, 2009

1) What is gossip ?
When you chat about a person (either created or repeated, mostly rumours) behind the back of that person, it becomes gossip. Because the person in question is not present to give his perspective. Generally, gossip has no basis and is designed to convey a negative image of the person.

2) Difference between gossip and interaction
Interaction is mostly positive and will be conducted in the presence of all parties involved. It's frank, friendly, transparent and hence productive.

3) When does interaction become gossip ?
Well, I would say, when it turns negative involving rumours and negative criticism, it becomes counter-productive. When criticising becomes a pleasure, it's time to stop.

4) Do I gossip ? What are the advantages and disadantages of gossip ?
Let alone gossiping, I don't listen to gossip as well. Because I believe, whoever gossips to you, may as well gossip about you. Who brings a tale, will take two away.

There are no advantages of gossip, it may be a small stress-buster for some, but the disadvantages (as detailed by many above) far outweigh the advantage.

posted September 21, 2009

Gossiping to grave. somewhere I read this title of a book which fits as the title. Gossip kills time and people and creates mistrust and unhealthy human attitude which is not useful to anyone.

posted September 21, 2009

I hate gossiping, but have you heard about Mr Wireman? He's been asking some strange questions lately.

posted September 21, 2009

Well, what do you say after you say Hello?
Alice Roosevelt Longworth said this so eloquently: "If you have don't have anything nice to say about anyone, then come sit next to me, dear!"
To answer your three questions,
1) you can't differentiate,
2) cannot be defined,
3) yes. Show me one person who doesn't.

posted September 21, 2009

Hi, Sanjeev - great question.

I have not read the article yet, so forgive what may be a "dumb" response.

I think your distinction between gossip and social interaction is a good one. I tend to separate the two by applying the following rules:

1) Is what we are discussing something that impacts my personal life? For example, are we talking about potential lay-offs or a restructuring (social interaction) versus someone's personal life (gossip).

2) Is what I have to offer to the discussion helpful (social interaction) or just exciting (gossip)?

3) Will the outcomes or results be helpful or hurtful?

In my opinion, discussions become gossip when any of these lines are crossed.

I try not to gossip as I have delineated above, although I am human and this is a very human trait. We are relentlessly interested in the doings of others. Used wisely, this curiosity leads some of us to become helping professionals, such as counselors or teachers. Used unwisely, the curiosity can ruin lives and sunder families.

John

posted September 26, 2009