My wife runs her own side business in additon to working a regular job and often finds herself working five days a week for an employer and seven nights per week on her own business trying to gain and keep clients with her "lightning speed" delivery on projects.

One of the biggest pieces of advice I could give a one-man business owner is the same I told her: almost everyone who works for an employer gets a weekend; why shouldn't you?

If you own a home business, it's just as easy to slip into the habit of working too much as it is working too little. TAKE A WEEKEND. If Saturdays and/or Sundays are better days for working, fine, take off Mondays and Tuesdays then. It's a good rule of thumb to ensure you keep some semblance of a fulfilling social life.

My two cents.

Michael Phelps
Sourcing Specialist
GE Commercial Finance Real Estate
michael.phelps@ge.com

posted March 12, 2007

Since I travel, I make it a point (while I am home) to be there when the kids are home. During the day I have a lot of flexibility. I am able to focus on my work later in the evening after I put them to bed. Then I wake up early to get them to school past which I get some short cat naps in the PM when things are quiet. Later on I pick them up after school.

It is a balance which is never the same for everyine, however letting them (kids and wife) know of your goals and accomplishing it with their encouragement does help. On some ocassions it is tough and working together and creating a belief is key in my short experience.

posted March 12, 2007

I am certainly not the expert in this area and I am going into a new part of my life with a daughter on the way in 2 short months.

I have found that "being there" when I am hanging out with my family or just my wife is the most essential focus I can have. By this I mean really being there...all of me present. Most of us have entrepreneurial minds that if allowed, will wander off into the abyss known as creative thought. When you are present with your relationships, the quality of that relationship goes to a new level.

Also, avoid watching television together and calling that "quality time." You can watch a movie and go to dinner and never really "talk." I believe that I have an exceptional marriage, but I have to work very hard to preserve it. Protecting your family while preserving your passion for your vocation is one of the hardest tests for a "driven, hard working person." This will not balance itself unless you are continually focused on its preservation.

Side note: i actually have a spreadsheet that I grade 7 different areas of my life on a weekly basis. It helps me to keep perspective on what is important and helps me keep "my plate" balanced. If you would like it I can send you a copy of it.

posted March 12, 2007

I've been in consulting for about a year now, and this is a subject which comes up all the time. I'm constantly surprised by the number of people I work with that complain about working away from home, when that's the number one line of the job description. It reminds me of the definition of madness - doing the same thing repeatedly, expecting different results.

It sounds trite, but I think the best way of achieving work/life balance is choosing the right job - and revising that choice regularly. Being honest with yourself with respect to what you really want out of life, be it a stellar career, great family life or crazy social life, isn't an easy thing to do. Everyone wants to excel at everything, but the truth is that to be really successful in any one area takes 100% effort and a pinch of luck most of the time. No-one wants to admit that their career isn't as important as being home by 6, or that their job is more important than sitting down to read a book with their kids, but that is the choice that we face every day.

In my experience compromise rarely sits well with over-achievement, so just choose to be great at the important stuff, and just good at everything else. Most of the time good will get you through the day with smiles all round, and it'll leave you able to get the big wins where you want them.

"Dah!" Say a hundred people reading this, and they're right. Its obvious. So why do we worry about it all so much?

I realise this isn't too useful from a HR policy point of view, but the implications are that individuals and organisations need to be very clear about what they want. There is no selection process (short of truth drugs) better than the applicant deciding that the job is not for them after all, after being shown honestly what is expected. After that point, so long as there are career steps to match the changing preferences of the maturing employee, work/life balance shouldn't be too big a deal. If those opportunities don't exist, then the company will probably have to wise up to being a "poor" place for some people to work, and live with a degree of turnover, allowing people to move on with good grace and no hard feelings.

posted March 12, 2007

Work is clearly part of life so the first step is to try and not seperate the two so distinctly.
Balance social and personal time against more work based tasks is a challenge for most people. What you need is a good feedback network so that people can tell you when you're perhaps working too much and losing your connection with other aspect of your life.
You need to be able to look at yourself and examine where you are relative to your percieved ideals and make adjustments.
There are professional methods for striking a better balance and coaching can be a way of you gaining better perspective and clarifying your objectives on both sides of the working fence.

posted March 12, 2007

I had an instructor at GT wrap the answer to this up pretty succinctly. His approach was to not label it as balance since that implies mostly time management skills. He suggested approaching it as just keeping your priorities straight.

I have found that helpful ever since because I don't have to worry about how much time I've spent on each part of my life. I just concentrate on always knowing what's most important right now.

posted March 12, 2007

First of all, if someone says you can have it all then they are either lying or delusional. You cannot have it all.

So first of all think about and list your life priorities. Work? Family? Hobbies? Travel? Accumulating weath? Gaining fame? Even if your list is 100 items long, whatever is at top gets 51% or more of your time, attention and focus. You have to build your life around that.

Is number one is success at your profession then you have to do whatever it takes to achieve that success based on what you observe, based on advice from formal and informal mentors and other sources. You have to work hard and smart. There are not shortcuts to success.

If your number one priority is family you need to think about what that means to number 2 through 100. Something always has to give. That does not mean you will not be successful at work or the other things on your list. It just means when push comes to shove your family is the number one priority and everything is comes after it.

So think about your priorities. Write them down. Decide what is number one and act on it going forward.

George F Franks III
Franks Consulting Group
Management Consulting and Leadership Coaching

Links:

• http://franksconsultinggroup.com
• http://careerandleadership.com
• http://consultingandcoaching.blogspot.com

posted March 12, 2007

I think the phrase "work-life balance" is relatively new in the business lexicon. I suspect it was well intentioned but net result is to legitimize compromising one's "life" with work. Usually I hear the phrase from someone who is working more than they are living. Or from a company that expects 60 hour weeks and 24X7 access to the workers.

I've been poor at balancing with too much emphasis on work tasks. "Gold" status on at least one airline for 12 years. Corporate and home office.

The only way to achieve balance (harmony?) is to choose what is really important to you. If there are others involved, particularly children they should be the more important than any job. And we should not misplace that thought by working 70 hours per week in order to provide things for them. If you have a significant other, set open expectations. Revisit them often. Avoid hidden agreements. Consider the long-term goals and impacts of your chosen priorities.

posted March 12, 2007

Paul,

Having just started as the Sales Director for the Northeast US for Allied Solutions Group (our office space is being readied as I type) I can understand the difficulty balancing work and family life.

As there is no clear cut answer as to what will work for any one individual, I would suggest the following books:

7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stehen Covey
First Things First, by Stephen Covey

I have included a link to a synopsis for the second book.

If nothing else, it will help you to determine why you feel there is an imbalance in your work/family life, and how to prioritize those things in your life that REALLY matter.

Good Luck.

Michael Greene
Allied Solutions Group

Links:

• http://www.geocities.com/Athens/3680/1st-1st.htm

posted March 12, 2007

Life is life... Work is only one tinny part of life. So try to be as efficient as you can at work. Before the end of the working day set some key items to be done the following day, and make sure people know you count on them. Then close your laptop. If you work at home, keep all work related stuff far away from your room, of family meeting places. Discipline yourself and others to not call you after working hours, or during the weekends... Life must be your priority. Exercise at least 15 minutes every day, I suggest a treadmill by your bed! Do some yoga or meditation techniques, use your commuting time to read about everything else except work, find uninteresting things to do and read, this way you will be always surprise to learn and experience the fun of the unexpected.. The only thing that must have a schedule in your life is work. Other than that you must live life at is comes. If you are married, make sure you don't ruin your weekends and vacations by programming every hour, or by being a chauffeur that runs the city from game to game. Kids also also need to learn to use M-F effectively to study and play. Don't please don't do laundry or grocery shopping on weekends. You can do all those stuff from M-F any time when it pleases you, use it as a time to relax, be creative ..
By doing this I’ve been able to stop suffering from the syndrome of an unbalance life or lack of time, Since I don’t plan in advance any activity on weekends, I let life to surprise me, by catching up on sleep, going out where by body and mind tells me to go, and to enjoy and reunite with the friends I want without having to worry on going to parties and birthdays.. that I don’t longer want to go. Well this is how I suggest you to balance life and work

posted March 12, 2007

I disagree with the sentiment on this board. There is no work life balance. Most of the top guys do not spend all their time partying and enjoying their money - they spend all of their time at work.. You can only excel at one or the other. Its not fair but that is the hard reality. If you want to be great at business, and also want to take a lot of time with family, then some guy behind you is more aggressive and more than willing to take your spot....

posted March 12, 2007

IMHO I'd say that your work/life balance will largely depend on these two parameters:

- your work/life context: e.g. working at a top consulting company vs. a heavily unionized company or a government organization

- your hierarchy level as it determines your external pressure (middle management seems to be the worst).

It's most important that a positive work-life balance doesn't necessarily correlate with "poverty" and "career cul-de-sacs" as there are some hidden gems out there: e.g. working for the government or an association as a high-level official etc.; owning a successful small business (no start-up though ...)

posted March 12, 2007

When trying to balance work and home, I treat each with equal impact. I keep one calendar that has both work and home events listed on it; one task list that has both work and home chores, etc. This way I have an immediate visual confirmation of what I am doing to achieve the balance and whether I am heading towards an 'out of balance' situation... and I agree with other posters - when you are there, be really THERE and fully in the moment/now; take at least one day fully off from work every week to recharge your internal batteries.

posted March 12, 2007

For me, the answer is simple -- my family comes first.

In the late 80's, early-to-mid 90's, my work came first. I had no real responsibilities, so I worked a lot. In 1996, my mother passed away, so I moved back home to help care for my dad. I met with my siblings who told me to focus on work so I could pay the mortgage (I had bought it a few years prior when the owner wanted to sell) while they (of limited income) spent time with our dad. Unfortunately, they soon tired of the role of caregiver and I took that on. I passed up a lot of very lucrative opportunities during the heyday of the dotcom boom even as my skills stagnated. I wouldn't trade it for the world, though.

Now, I have two young kids (5 and not-quite-3) and I am still more interested in spending time with them than I am in building my consulting business or updating my programming skills. Given my druthers (and a couple million dollars in the bank), I'd become a stay-at-home-dad in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, that's not in the cards, so I have a job or two.

While I don't skimp on my hours, I also don't put in any significant overtime. I take my vacations and spend them with my family doing stuff, not just sitting around watching telly. Speaking of which, I also don't watch TV, although I'm thinking about recording that new Eddie Izzard show. I have a couple of seasons of Stargate and Dr. Who recorded in the hopes I'll be able to watch them someday. I've also cut back to the bare bones on hobbies that don't include the kids and added some that do (like geocaching.) I sleep about 5-6 hours a night.

My wife is a teacher and typically works 14-16 hour days, plus weekends, so she has the same problem.

Personally, I believe that once you have kids, your own desires end up in the back seat. I work so that they have and can do what they need and no more than that. I spend as much time as possible with them put them first.

But I'm almost certainly completely insane.

posted March 12, 2007

Hi,

My answer is a bit different as I don't believe in "Personal Life" and "Professional Life" to be two different things. I believe that there is only one Life and your personal and professional lives are intermingled.

Tell me don't you think about work at home (when with friends or family) or don't you think about family, household things or personal issues at office.

Hence it becomes all the more important to make these two faces more conversant.

In order to reach a work life balance I think what is most important is the maturity of making your both faces as one.

What needs to be done is to make the people at office understand that the personal face of life is also important hence if one is taking some time out and working on things at personal front when in office it is to be respected.

It should be understood that ironing out personal issues quickly will make the person more free to concentrate on work and thus give a higher output.

Similarly when at home and thinking or talking about work is unavoidable. The effort is to be put in making the other person realize that some thing important has cropped up at work hence it needs to be sorted out first. In this case too it is easy to understand that once the thing is attended to, the person will be more free and will enjoy more with us.

But yes what is to be understood is that involving people at personal front in professional issues and professional people at personal issues is to be done with a lot of care and maturity.

So here goes my point of view.

nityn@yahoo.com

posted March 12, 2007

Paul,
I must say that this is a very important question for a professional. A part of being a real professional person is to strike a balance between your work and life.
I also have a great family, two kids. Today I am happy with my life, because I have found this balance. Moreover, today I spend much more time with my family and at my leisure activities and perform much better at my work.
Many people think that if they overwork - they get better results at their jobs. Thats a common mistake. If you're overloaded with work - you get exausted, your health deteriorate, you feel guilty and unhappy and at the end it spoils your performance.
I had my inspiration from the book 'Stop procrastination' by Dr. Neil Fiore. One of the main point is first to schedule your leisure time. Dr. Fiore calls it 'unschedule'. It means give priority to your leisure activities - the things you really enjoy. And make sure you do them daily. Then schedule all your other tasks.
There are many other techniques to improve this balance. Avoid feelings of guilt and negative selftalk, use effective Time Management system ( I prefer Getting Things Done by David Alan) etc.. Most important you should feel happy with your life. If you dont - its time to change something.

posted March 13, 2007

I work in order to make money to improve the quality of my life but at one point no amount of money will buy back time with children, loved ones and time devoted to projects which will impact the world beyond my life span.

I have also noticed that beyond an essential minimum, every dollar earned is heavily taxed, generates envy, and purchases products which absorb my time into their care and maintainence. I've also noticed that every dollar saved through the wise use of my time and skills is tax free and generates feelings of accomplishment and pride in self sufficiency.

In the end the quality of our family and community relationships, including respect, honesty, and the emotional and educational support of the people who support us, gives more quality to our lives than money can ever buy.

Phil Carr

posted March 13, 2007

I’m living by myself with my boyfriend in a nearby town, a job, an education, pets, household chores and hobbies, and I am struggling on a daily basis to find a balance.

What helps is: things are. There are a lot of things that I can’t influence whatsoever. So when they happen, they happen and all my plans are to be postponed, reconsidered or cancelled. Secondly, I try to be constantly aware. Am I feeling happy, or am I feeling stressed or bored? How can I organize myself and my surroundings to support and strengthen me as much as possible? How is my partner feeling and what can I do to make our relationship as fulfilling as possible?
And, it is important to be clear in the choices I make and to communicate the decisions involved to my family and work.

I don’t think there is a recipe for a balanced life. Seems to me that you know what you’re doing. As long as you provide enough time for yourself to reflect on these issues, you’re doing great!

posted March 13, 2007

I agree that there is no one perfect solution, and finding the proper balance is up to the individual and his/her family.

Especially when kids are very young, it can be trying, because you don't want to miss anything as a parent, but those also tend to be prime years for career positioning and advancement.

I am lucky that my employer allows me to put my family first when needed, and trusts me that the job will still get done.

posted March 13, 2007

I think the best advice I can give you is to live in the moment.

What I mean is, when you are at home and your family is still awake, make sure your mind is at home with them. If you are at work, try to focus on that 100% during that time. It will make you more efficient at work and at home.

When you get home from work. If you need time to unravel after work and discuss with your partner your day, do so. Ask your partner about their day and engage in a conversation about each others day and listen, really listen.
When you see your children for the first time of the day, ask them how their day was, and what their favorite part of the day was. All of this can help you unwind from work. Don’t dwell on work while your family is up and about.

Try to schedule as much as possible and try to stick to a routine. In many house holds where both spouses work sharing of duties at home, taking children to extra circular activities, or helping with homework is a life saver. If you know you will need to put in at least 70 hours a week, perhaps arrange a date every week that is better for both of you, for you to put in the extra hours.

If you need to work late, try to give as much notice as possible to your family. I realize this is not always possible, but even letting your partner know about the possibility that you might need to work late is better than the late night phone call saying you will be a few more hours.

Make sure you schedule at least one family day, and one spouse day/night a month. Time where you focus on each other. Family game nights are fun.

Communicate often as to how things are going and listen to what the other person is telling you.

posted March 13, 2007

"Fiar goes the dancing when the sitar is tuned, Tune us the sitar neither low nor high, And we will dance away the hearts of men, The strings overstreched breaks and the music dies, The strings overslack is dumb and the music dies, Tune us the sitar neither low nor high" - Lord Guatama Buddha.

Everyday is a constant struggle to achieve balance for me. Being a sole propietor working from home and with clients from different time zones, I am constantly working odd hours of the day. However, I always reserve my Sunday for family time no matter how busy I am.

posted March 13, 2007

Hello Paul,

I have a posture towards work/life balance that seems to be slightly different than that of the majority of people.

I decide on what I want the balance to be *before* I decide on work and life "contents". I decide on the structure before the details... and then I go about creating the relevant details to fill that structure in.

In this manner I have work/life balance practically always guaranteed, as I do not fill any of the areas (work or life) in a manner that will "spill out" into the other side.

Now of course that this has advantages and inconvenients; it works well for me though. Also, it is a dynamic process: the balance I want and have today is not the same I wanted and had some time ago, and is unlikely to be the same at some future time.

In this *balance game*, life is far more important to me than work. Work is part of life (our occupation is part of how we live). My balance is thus currently structured around this bias. I DO work, but as the adage goes "I work to live," not the other way around. Actually, not even that: once one achieves enough passive ROI to cover for one's entire expenses, one does not need to work to live. So I correct that: I work to have fun, I work to create value (because I like it).

I do not pretend that this model (structure before content) can be easily adopted by anyone who already has the *content* well established in any particular way. I am not suggesting any change in beliefs and behaviour regarding this theme. I do however point out that it is much easier to change the specifics of one's work/ocupation than of one's life (i.e. family). So when the balance is off, it seems easier to me to *correct* the former. Of course, I am biased in this regards, so I would have to say so ;-)

Oh, and btw: NO, being flexible about *work* content does *not* mean giving up on a career. It may mean re-evaluating a 9-to-5, formal employment, paye, work-for-someone-else, rat race type of career, yes... but yikes who wants that anyway?!!! (ok, millions of people do... 'bless 'em!)

Cheers,
Miguel

posted March 14, 2007

i work frm home as a managing editor and freelance writer. DH (dear husband) also works frm home, also in freelancing. even though we both go to school and i also teach a course per week we have a lot of time to spend together therefor we can enjoy both our careers and our personal life. when DH worked full time, i worked frm home as well so one of us always had a schedule that could be changed to accommodate any changes in our lifestyle. we don't plan for kids just yet as we still have schools to finish ;)

posted March 14, 2007

I think a good work/life balance can be had with flexible work hours. It seems like this was the most often cited reason at a software company I worked where the average tenure was 10 years.

Flexibility in this setting meant that we maintained a core set of business hours 11 AM to 3:00 PM and all the daily meetings and events were scheduled between these hours. Outside of this core time, people had the flexibility to manage their time. We were also very liberal about permitting people to work from home or to telecommute part of every week. For managers, this required a high level of mutual trust and rarely was this unjustified.

In case you are wondering, this group also had the highest level of measured productivity of any of the global groups.

posted March 17, 2007

Paul,

I'm a single parent. I work full-time. I try to leave work at work. My home life is my home life. I don't try to mix the two. I'm lucky in that I have a support system in my family to take care of my son if I have to work overtime. I need alone time, but I also enjoy socializing with people. It's not really seeking an active balance per se. You do what you have to do.

Be present where you are at all times whether it be at work, home, with friends, etc. Keep your focus.

Life is too short. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't let people's negativity get to you, as it will if you let it. Hang out with people that are on "your side" in life and want the best for you and have your best interests at heart.

Have time for spirituality in your life.

Don't put materialism above your loved ones.

Just a couple of thoughts. Wishing you the best.

P.S. Canada is beautiful by the way.

posted March 17, 2007

Whenever I work with a client looking to create greater balance we work through several steps together.

1st - Value Analysis - here we work through what is actually important to the person. Often times we think we should do certain things or have certain things because they represent something (fancy car, big house etc.). This is generally a long process since we need to separate social values from personal values to ensure we arrive at a list of values that represent what the client needs not what the client should need.

2nd - Work Analysis - the client breaks out his job into supporting vs. non-supporting pieces. Basically we determine whether the job overall supports the values the client holds.

3rd - Change Strategy - a plan is worked up that allows the client to make the necessary changes to create the balance he seeks.

Hope that helps

posted March 17, 2007

Balance will lbe different for each individual. My advice is to "schedule" as much as possible- both Work and Play/Fun activities. Since you have a family, they should be incorporated into your 168 (# of hrs in a week) as well. If you are a work-a-holic, you should adjust your schedule/priorities.

Always leave time for "you," even if that means you are doing nothing. Any "down time" allows you to refocus and maintain the balance your life so desperately requires. Working and living are not the smae thing- work is a part of life. How much of a part it is, is up to you....

posted March 12, 2007

Drink!! ;-)

Links:

• http://www.locris.com

posted March 12, 2007