A leading expert in the field of leadership development once said that motivating people is easy. Just find out what they want, and then help them get it. Motivation doesn't work as an external tool except in the short term because the connection to your inner self is missing. So first find out what you want in life, and then find someone who will help you get it.

posted January 21, 2008

Hi Frank --

What you're asking is "How can I get others to see and do things my way?". That's not so hard -- offer them the bigger, better deal if they do.

To accomplish this you have to have credibility. Identify how their life post-change would differ from their present life and present your life as being the exactly like one they can't quite get. Then establish empathy. Describe a former life exactly like their current one. Let them know how hard you struggled using the tools you had, making sure you describe standard tools everyone's tried at one time or another. Now offer relief. Tell them how easy it was succeed once you stopped preventing yourself from seeing things differently (and try not to be too specific about what you mean by "succeed").

Now for the secret ingredient: Most people are secretly afraid others will think they're slackers or that they're not as competent as they're believed to be (even you're convinced you could be doing better no matter how well you're actually doing, which is why the motivational CD producers are still making money off you). So don't offer to give them the bigger, better deal. Tell them how to get it themselves.

To seal the deal be sure to charge an uncomfortable but not unaffordable sum for the details. This is how you demonstrate the actual value of your advice. My Grandpa used to say "free advice is worth what you pay for it".

But seriously, In the world of friendly advice most counsel of this type translates to "go slower, work harder, wait longer", so it's extremely important to spend some time up front understanding others' motivations for seeing their way as the fast track, and frame your advice in that context. Non-pejorative terms are of great value, too. Nobody wants to be called a a**hole for trying to get rich quick. The cold fact is, though, people are stubborn. there's no guarantee they'll adopt your advice, even if they pay you for it.

Cheers!
Robert

posted January 21, 2008

You know the old saying; yoou can lead a horse to water..........

You can lead through example, offer help or advise when asked, but you are not going to motivate anyone to really change unless they see a need to change to begin with. When we force our opinions on others and they appear to be following our advice it is often half hearted or short lived.

The true motivation to change and maintain that change is within each person, but they need to see it and accept it.

Sheilah

posted January 21, 2008

Dear Frank,

There is a great "saying": You can lead the horse to water but you cannot make it drink.

Using the lottery and the gambling examples you have mentioned.
Only by shear a network of friends via word of mouth: I have known of 2 Lotto winners, and their stories. One ended in a divorce and the other honestly made the "American Dream" come true for himself and his fellow workers. He honestly did an incredible good deed.

Gambling: A friend of mine "happens to be lucky at it".
He also has the sense to walk away.

I on the other hand make my charitable donation at the casino's, now at the limit of .25 cents, total. Regarding my opinion of the Lottery, again it's a charitable donation. If it hits, it hits.

But I return to my initial gut reaction statement, about the horse.

Each person is different and should be approached as such.
What motivates one person does not necessarily motivate another.

As you mention this particular motivational speaker which earns in the range of $20,000 plus per hour. I would think that there are many members of this Network, which would certainly may either: re-evaluate what they are currently doing within their own professions and or re-think their desire to re-invent themselves.

To be able to listen, understand and ask pointed questions is generally the guide that I follow. Once the mutual understanding is established then a basis of a working relationship has hopefully started.

IMHO.

Arthur

posted January 21, 2008

I agree with Arthur except that I think you need to define what mindset you want to change them to. If you are talking about a successful business person's mindset, then you need to get them mentoring from successful business people. That goes back to the horse being lead to the water. You still cannot make him or her drink.

In order to do what successful millionaires do, you need to learn to think like them.

Eric Standlee

posted January 21, 2008

Hi Frank,
This is a great question! It's all about inertia. There is such great comfort in mediocrity, in the daily grind, with countless pressures to keep us there. How is anyone ever convinced to break out?

I agree that motivation must come from inside, but without full acknowledgement of the forces we strive against how can we possibly keep it up? Every day we wake to the promise of achieving our potential and pit our resolve against our own cultural paradigm, our uncertainties and a multitude of fears.

Our cultural paradigm is far less about achieving our potential and more about doing what we need to do to get more stuff. The economic engine is built to keep us dissatisfied with everything we own from cars to toilet paper. How can we dedicate our lives to achieving our potential when we are worried about our toilet paper? We first have to be willing to let go of this paradigm.

Next we face our uncertainties. No matter how clearly we see our potential selves there are so many uncertainties we have to be ready to confront them from the start.

And finally, our fears. How much (time, goodwill, energy, hope, cash) can I afford to invest in my potential? Is it wise to set aside security for (what I might call) selfishness? What will come crashing down if I fail?

It may seem overwhelming to list these barriers out like this but are we better off heading down the yellow brick road without an understanding of what lies along the way? Each of these pressures and more will meet us on our journey toward a greater self. I believe we should know and prepare for these eventualities.

My two cents...

Take care,
Robert

posted January 21, 2008

Another good question....
Here is what I have observed over the years, people are too self important to achieve their potential when they are young. It is only with the experience that comes with age that we appreciate different thinking surrounding things.
How to change people who won't listen a much frustrating situation.
People need a breadth of experience for the information to seep through to their inner self. So, if you have the time and money, give them variety in work and home. Swap jobs I quite often do all the household chores and child care, it is only doing this time after time that you really appreciate the make up of your wife & children. I get my wife to organise the bills, car MOT, maintenance of the house, gardening etc. We both get a further understanding of one another each time we do this.
In work once asked a question I try to lead people through the thought process that resolves the problem rather than specifically solve it. As the answer is unimportant the journey helps others to solve the problem the next time around.
Lateral thought in work place coversations can help engender a culture of open thoughtful creative people. This is easy to achieve as taking a question to a lateral answer does leave people bemused at first however it isn't long before everyone is doing it (or at least thinking it). Once applied to simple conversations and people are used to thinking that way it isn't long before they always think about problems in that manner.
It is amazing how many people constrain their ability by the thought processes, lets set them free.
If you haven't read the hitch hikers guide to the galaxy by Douglas Adams you should (although it is best listened to on CD). Now there is a lesson in lateral thinking that will give your IQ a boost. Pity the genius is dead.

posted January 22, 2008

Frank,
The challenge is overcoming resignation. For many people life is not going as they would like it and are resigned. They feel powerless and at the effect of life.

Being resigned drives people to escapism. Some people escape through gambling hoping for that big hit. And even when they do hit it many are back back in the same situation or worse within a short time.
The escape for others include drugs, over eating, sex and pornography, religion, and mindless diversions like professional wrestling.

Turning people on and getting them to be inspired is possible. But it takes some serious work, in a concentrated context to give them access to being responsible for themselves and for realizing they are in control of how they respond to their circumstances.

We are all inspired by the American Dream story, the rags to riches story, to escape from inner city life to success, from the drudgery of a factory or a mine to a life lit up by something that some one loves.

There are examples throughout history and throughout modern culture.

Having people get that they too can generate a life they love is the game to play.

posted January 22, 2008

As a coach, I don't believe you can motivate a person who has not desire to be motivated (we all see this everyday as parents or watching parents try to get their kids to do the right things). The real challenge is to get a person to WANT to change his or her life. After you've done that, getting them to attend the motivational seminars and listen to the speeches is easy.

As others have said in this string, the best way to get a person to WANT to change his or her life is to SHOW them the benefits of doing so. Unfortunately, the other way to making them want to changes is brought about as a result of a negative impact of not doing so. In any event, don't waste your time with pushing for the "desired result", but, instead, push for creating the "desire".

One more thing......don't preach (not that preaching is a bad thing but it doesn't work if somebody can perceive it as nagging or badgering). Be soft but forceful. Use all of your best communication skills and make the person believe they want to hear what you have to say.

Good Luck!

posted January 22, 2008

In my opinion, your best bet is to continue to model what you would like to see for others. I have never attended a motivational seminar. However, I have invested wisely and both financially and professionally.

George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF

Links:

• http://www.andersonservices.com

posted January 22, 2008

The old proverb goes; “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”. We need to understand that life is about choices. What ever we get out of life we have chosen it. We can choose to be inspired or to be motivated it all depends on our frame of mind. The secret to a successful life is in understanding that there are no short cut. We all have been seduced but what Steven Covey called the Law of the School instead of the Law of the Farm. In school most of us learned all of the best shortcuts to the good grades and we understood that the grade was all important and that learning was secondary. When it comes to a farm and growing things for harvest there are no shortcut. There are some ways to improve and speed up but no shortcuts. Persistence and hard work will always produce results. So back to your question: How can we inspire, motivate or otherwise help to change the mindset of others to achieve their full potential? We can’t, we can only hope to be leaders who can create an environment to help people inspire and motivate themselves.

Karl P. also suggests this expert on this topic:

• Ralph W.

posted January 22, 2008

Your own question seems to perceptively suggest that different folks are reached by considerably different strokes. It appears that your spouse is susceptible to reason and discussion, while the majority of people you observe seem to be moved by pecuniary considerations irrespective of statistical probabilities.

I like to think that peoples' mindsets might be affected, especially mine.

It seems to me that there is a normal bell-curve distribution of the population. Some respond to stimuli, others seem preoccupied or self-absorbed and appear immune. I find that some people feel comfortable being pushed, some seem to react to being pulled. Still others seem to go in for the whacking around the head and shoulders that figures so prominently in Zen koans. I like it easy.

posted January 22, 2008

Hi Frank,
There are already a lot of good answers so I want to give you a different look at the principal of helping others. It does not work through our will to do so or anything outside of us! It is our own level of Consciousness which will stimulate others! Some obvious examples are: Buddha, Krishna and Jesus which even now still influence the world (they were enlightened a level indicated as 1000)

Other good examples are: Mother Theresa, Mahatma Gandhi and so on who inspired many people. They all were concerned only with their own being. This is also the reason why people visit "Holy places" as it will lift their spirit. Once you lift your spirit you will help others to do the same.

You might not get the satisfaction that it was your doing as it will only happen to those that are ready for the next level. We are here to learn what we have set out to learn and we can not conclude/deduct even when we are ready for the next faze let alone someone else!

We can all lift our spirit with courage, understanding, forgiveness and love as was indicated by those great Avatars. You can find more about raising your level of consciousness by reading my favourite on this matter: David R Hawkins (Just reading his book "Power vs Force" can raise your level with 15 points while on average we grow 5 points per lifetime!)
Love and Light
Martin

Links:

• http://www.veritaspub.com/

posted January 22, 2008